For all of you xanga die-hards that I know are out here somewhere.

I put this on my facebook, but figured I should let you folks know as well.

There is a lot of change in store at present for my life: physically, spiritually, mentally...and any other -ly.    It is exciting to be involved in His work.  There are doors that He has opened that absolutely have taken my breath away.  Dreams I was afraid to dream, He has offered to me. 

This fall, Lord willing, I will be a high school math teacher.  That's just 'for starters.'  There are other opportunities opening up, but they are not official yet, so I can't share :-\  It's tempting, believe me.  I am just so very excited to be able to work with teenagers day in and day out.  I will teach the same kids in school that I disciple as a youth leader.  It is very very exciting.

My mother and I recently relocated here in Maryland.  God provided an amazing home for 2 years.  Hopefully, we'll be able to sign the lease to extend that.  Eventually, I think it would be good to buy, but I have to convince my mother of that.  Renting can be tedious.

We are presently working on getting a computer.  At which point I will begin establishing 'Reckless.'  Over the past year or so, I have been involved in many different 'aspects' of ministry that are very disconnected at this point.  I write on two separate blogs, have two different poetry websites...it's just all over the place!  I have also been prompted to develop R.E.A.L.  Discipleship ministries for our youth group here, so I have been challenged to centralize it all.  So, I've prayed and have decided to establish a 'personal ministry' webpage which will include my devotional blog, my writings (including devotionals, and poetry), my photography, R.E.A.L., and (eventually) my books: Beggar's Daughter and Lady Grace.  Lord willing, those will be completed some time this year and will hit the rounds of critics and editors I have lined up early next year.

Thank you for your prayers and your friendship as I travel this journey.  I am so very excited about what He will do and humble that He would even do anything at all.

 

For His Glory, Because of His Grace,

Jessica

Close enough! You don't know how much my fingers have been itching to type. They made me do this Honestly I feel guilty...but this is technically day 49, so I'll rationalize it later. Besides tomorrow is way too busy :-p

I have become convinced that the journey into the heart of God is to be a lifelong endeavor and that it will never be fully accomplished regardless of how long or how fervently you pursue it. He is immeasurable, incomprehensible, truly utterly amazing.

There are so many lessons I would love to share, but this would become the longest Facebook note in history and you would be bored to tears, so I will do my absolute best to keep it within my normal range

If I had to pick just two:

The Holiness of God

With all the Bible education I have had, I never really focused on this. I get more excited about grace because were it not for grace I would really really be in trouble. Sometimes, I wonder, if I've focused so much on His grace that I've watered down other aspects of God. Other aspects such as holiness.

One of the very first studies I did during these seven weeks was on the holiness of God. I read the account in Isaiah when Isaiah is privileged to get a glimpse into the Lord's temple. So holy, so mighty, so awesome is the sight that Isaiah hits the ground and begins to cry out, "Woe is me." If you read it though, Isaiah never actually describes seeing the Lord. He describes seeing His garment and that alone is enough to bring Isaiah to his face on the ground.

God's holiness is central to His character. It is the core of His being. It provides the definition for sin, the platform for foundation, the stage for glory, the reason for redemption. If God were not holy, we would not need a Saviour...dwell on that one a bit.

Holiness is to be central to our lives as well. No, we will never be perfect, but God calls us to be holy. That is the reason that He saves us, so we can have fellowship with Him. Fellowship with a holy God. We downplay that, a lot. I've been in groups where a young man is asked to pray and it goes something like this: "Hey God, how's it going? I just wanted to tell you what's up down here. Yeah, thanks for taking care of us..." My heart breaks...I want to smack him and say, "Do you not understand who you are speaking to???"

I have a problem with treating God like a buddy, like some best friend. I do believe He is a friend but He is also in a position that deserves honor, respect, decency and decorum.

Though our words may not say it, our actions do. This hit me hard on Day 2, and has stuck with me ever since. There is no little white lie with God; there is no little sin; there is no "my sin's not as bad as her sin." There is no excuse. Read about the Old Testament tabernacle and all the rituals of cleansing the priests had to go through and we think that just because we have grace we can go trouncing in to the throne room covered in mire and filth and strike up a "Dude, how's it going?" conversation with the Almighty. The nerve.

I learned it and I had to relearn it many times over the last several weeks. God is accessible, He is not attainable. God will not be managed, He cannot be boxed, and He sits on His throne in absolute control over my life. When I realize that and I live like it, my life is a lot better.


Trusting God (Lesson 2)

I have spent my life being strong. Call it a defense; call it coping; call it what you want but it is what my life has required of me. It is rare that one sees me cry...not just a little tear but the uncontrollable, gut-wrenching sobbing that sometimes threatens my heart.

It puts one in a very vulnerable place to be weak. So, it takes a great amount of trust before you ever see that side of me. Where am I going with this? Trusting God.

I think sometimes God brings us to that place of utter weakness. All of our strength is gone, our energy sapped. It's questionable if there is even enough strength left to cry. He brings us to that point so that we learn to trust Him more.

My aunt took me for a surprise trip during these last seven weeks. She emailed me on a Tuesday and said she going to "explore the treasures of the mountains of Western Virginia" that Friday and invited me to come. Well, I have a job, and after battling with an evil conscience, I went and asked my boss for the day off. After a series of events that will result in the end of my employment at a later date, he let me have the day off.

My aunt came and picked me up and drove me two hours out to Western Virginia. I love my aunt. She is like a second mother to me, but when we pulled into a little trailer park, fear joined us in the car. I had thought we were going to some kind of retreat or tea or luncheon. My first instinct was to jump out of the car and run. I had no clue where we were, no clue why we were there. We pulled up to a little trailer, trailer number 38.

I caught a glimpse of an elderly woman on the porch. Her hair was short red and curly. She was wrapped in a pink bath robe and was beating out a pair of green slippers. Her eyes glimmered as she looked toward the car. A smile crept across her face. My aunt put her hand on my leg and said, "I'm going to go in and see if they're ready for us; you stay here." She left. Fear was now not just in the car, it had crawled into my lap and working its way down my throat.

I was crying. My heart was racing...I love to be in control, and in this instance, I was very much not in control. An eternity later, a young lady walked around the edge of the trailer toward the front of the car.

Mary?

Another young lady followed.

Elisabeth??

My hand struggled with the handle as the two women bent over and squinted trying to make out who I was. Around the corner came another, older woman.

Mitzi!!!

I found the handle just as Mary and Elisabeth called out my name. We embraced and laughed so hard we started to cry. It was the first time we had met.

Mitzi is my aunt's best friend. Her two daughters, Elisabeth and Mary are my age. The three of us had been emailing since this past April, but since they live in Western Canada, a visit was never possible.

We spent the day together. It was one of the most refreshing days of my life. Elisabeth and Mary love the Lord and we share a strong bond in Christ. You'd think we had grown up together. Those six hours were by no means long enough, but they blessed me in so many ways.

I'm reminded sometimes that is how it is with God. He invites us to come with Him, to let Him drive. He gives us a very vague idea of where we are heading but we know we will be safe. Still part of our human heart wants to be in control, wants the map and the explanation, now instead of later. However, if we trust, in the end, the destination proves more amazing than we could ever imagine.

We serve a God that is Holy but also loving. He demands our trust and delights in our joy. Trust is never easy, service is never easy, but God is always faithful.